Working to Remember
Life is good, life is good, life is good...right????
God is good, God is good, God is good...right???
I've been struggling this month. Motivation has been shot out like a blown out tire and my inner critic is lashing out at me every day. EVERY DAY! Can't I just enjoy a meal I made with my two hands, enjoy the process of writing without feeling like my work is a piece of you know what, or just embrace the life I have today? It's been a job these days...just to live. I know I'm breathing, walking, sleeping, eating...the essentials, but what does it take to feel ALIVE in my soul. Deep, deep down I've forgotten what life in Jesus means and I've been tossed in the fickle waters of circumstances; finding the only consistency in my insecurities. And well, hello, that sucks.
There have been little moments, brief liftings of the darkened shades I've been wearing. These times where delight creeps in and my heart feels capable of exploding. The weightlessness and purpose I feel is a lit flame for a moments notice and I remember God's faithfulness. He has been and will be in my life. He's teaching me to remember what He has done, which then lets me know He's still doing...it just looks different than I think it should. And that has to be ok because I want life today, not tomorrow, not when I'm 50...but TODAY.
The Psalms talk about remembering God's faithfulness; most importantly when life looks bleak and every day feels like sitting in the middle of a dark hole in the ground. God's power is miraculous and real...He opened the Red Sea and He healed the sickest of the sick. He chose us and wants us. I want to remember.
So, in my days that feel less than what I want them to be, I trying to remember God's heart for me. I'm taking breaths and moments to let myself relive God's recognizable places in my life; when I felt Him so securely...when my heart was aflame every day for the bigness and goodness of life. I'm remembering the summer of 2004 where I was set free. That summer I walked a mile back to my cabin in the pitch black by myself each and every night. The moon was all I needed to feel safe. The summer where I was almost kissed for the first time (this story just happens to be more exciting than the first time I actually got kissed, but that's for a different time...maybe :) and snuck up to the zip line plat form one weekend night just to look at more stars than I could physically count. I discovered music for the first time...well music that didn't say "Jesus" in the lyrics that is. I walked in the rain, played in the mud, worked on a staff team of 180 and met my husband. God spoke in everything and I saw Him everywhere.
I'm remembering tonight...I'm remembering tomorrow.
I'm breathing in the fact that God is good.
God is good, God is good, God is good...right???
I've been struggling this month. Motivation has been shot out like a blown out tire and my inner critic is lashing out at me every day. EVERY DAY! Can't I just enjoy a meal I made with my two hands, enjoy the process of writing without feeling like my work is a piece of you know what, or just embrace the life I have today? It's been a job these days...just to live. I know I'm breathing, walking, sleeping, eating...the essentials, but what does it take to feel ALIVE in my soul. Deep, deep down I've forgotten what life in Jesus means and I've been tossed in the fickle waters of circumstances; finding the only consistency in my insecurities. And well, hello, that sucks.
There have been little moments, brief liftings of the darkened shades I've been wearing. These times where delight creeps in and my heart feels capable of exploding. The weightlessness and purpose I feel is a lit flame for a moments notice and I remember God's faithfulness. He has been and will be in my life. He's teaching me to remember what He has done, which then lets me know He's still doing...it just looks different than I think it should. And that has to be ok because I want life today, not tomorrow, not when I'm 50...but TODAY.
The Psalms talk about remembering God's faithfulness; most importantly when life looks bleak and every day feels like sitting in the middle of a dark hole in the ground. God's power is miraculous and real...He opened the Red Sea and He healed the sickest of the sick. He chose us and wants us. I want to remember.
So, in my days that feel less than what I want them to be, I trying to remember God's heart for me. I'm taking breaths and moments to let myself relive God's recognizable places in my life; when I felt Him so securely...when my heart was aflame every day for the bigness and goodness of life. I'm remembering the summer of 2004 where I was set free. That summer I walked a mile back to my cabin in the pitch black by myself each and every night. The moon was all I needed to feel safe. The summer where I was almost kissed for the first time (this story just happens to be more exciting than the first time I actually got kissed, but that's for a different time...maybe :) and snuck up to the zip line plat form one weekend night just to look at more stars than I could physically count. I discovered music for the first time...well music that didn't say "Jesus" in the lyrics that is. I walked in the rain, played in the mud, worked on a staff team of 180 and met my husband. God spoke in everything and I saw Him everywhere.
I'm remembering tonight...I'm remembering tomorrow.
I'm breathing in the fact that God is good.
"I'm remembering the summer of 2004 where I was set free. That summer I walked a mile back to my cabin in the pitch black by myself each and every night. The moon was all I needed to feel safe. The summer where I was almost kissed for the first time (this story just happens to be more exciting than the first time I actually got kissed, but that's for a different time...maybe :) and snuck up to the zip line plat form one weekend night just to look at more stars than I could physically count. I discovered music for the first time...well music that didn't say "Jesus" in the lyrics that is. I walked in the rain, played in the mud, worked on a staff team of 180 and met my husband. God spoke in everything and I saw Him everywhere."
ReplyDeleteThis makes me excited about life. Only I hope to meet my wife :)
Love you Son.
Sonnie, I've had a hard depressing day today and these words made me smile. Thank you.
ReplyDeletelove it. Remembering to remember is such a beautiful gift. i want to do it too.Thank you for this blog post. You made me laugh out loud when you said that your real kiss wasnt as exciting as when you almost got kissed...love your writing
ReplyDelete