A toasted bagel sandwich and a rain storm

Awwwwwww...I so needed that. Sitting on our back porch during a much needed rain storm while eating lunch brought me back to simple again. The breeze and pitter patter of the water from the sky let me relax...my body and my mind. This is a big deal for me because my mind DOES NOT STOP most moments of the day. I consistently live my life with my shoulders touching my ears because my thought life is too intense and my body just carries it around. So very unhealthy! Phil makes fun of me...telling me when I'm tense because I have no idea I'm walking through Target with clenched fists or sleeping with a scowl on my face (which Phil says is my normal sleeping state...a big ole frown). And because I haven't been able to focus on many specific things these days, I'll give you a little glimpse of the constant thoughts tornado-ing around in my head.

BEING A WIFE - I'm thankful to be married and more than that I'm thankful to me married to Phil. Our differences are mountains, but when we are able to meet in the beautiful valley's between our mountains it's breath-taking. It takes strenuous hiking to get to that beauty and it's hard. There are about 8 million insecurities that poke their heads out when it comes to being married...and gosh darn it I want to cut those heads off when they reveal themselves, they just happen to be really quick and I don't notice them right away.

BEING A MOM - I love Rock, it's no secret. My heart explodes a little every time he wakes up in the morning. I am however constantly surprised at how quick my love can turn to frustration. Lately the little man thinks it's AWESOME to say my name over and over and over...I mean seriously, like in the movies. Today we were driving home from Trader Joe's and the entire 10 minute drive home he said my name (mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy). I try to say his name back to him over and over, I try to ask him what he needs, I try to ignore it, and nothing works. Yes, things could be worse, much worse, but I'd love to find some steady ground, realizing the gift of my son and the gift of his toddlerhood even when I think I can't handle the crazy.

NEW BABY - I think about baby shay #2 a lot. I so badly want to know if it's a boy or a girl, but will have to wait until the end of this month. I think about what January will be like, what labor will be like, what being a mama to two kiddos will be like. I wonder if I'll enjoy having a new born this time around, I wonder what Rock will think, how he will act. I think, think think!

FAMINE - The reality of the famine in Somalia hit me hard last night. A friend posted an article saying that in the past 90 days 29,000 children under the age of five have died of starvation. It was honestly hard to go to bed last night thinking about the mothers watching their children die because of the "simple" fact they don't have food to feed their kids. What a heart wrenching process to experience. I felt strange thinking about the issues and fears I have, wondering if God will provide for me/our family, when in reality I am surrounded by provision. I've never not had my needs met...NEVER. I felt like I wanted to shake myself...like I wanted to somehow inject the truth into my soul so I'd never wonder about the goodness of God again. I know He's fighting for ALL of us whether our suffering looks like a famine or figuring out how to live each hour loving God and the people around us.

And there's a snippet of my cyclical thoughts. There are many more topics I could list, but I won't. I hope you all get a "bagel sandwich and rain storm" moment today...letting you soak in rest and peace!


  1. love your posts. love these rain storms we've been having too...( i havent had bagels with mine though). I have been so isolated i didnt know about the starving children in Somalia. UG! i want to go over there and adopt some right now....im sad! i CANT IMAGINE not being able to feed my kids. What a gift we take for granted every day. ..


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