"Beyond Me" Days
I'm living in the marathon days. Day after day waking up (after waking up during the night to feed a babe that is) to the reality that I cannot get through a day on my own. I mean, the honest part of me knows this is true whether I have three young kids to take care of or not, but these days the reality of my need is large and in charge of my life. I can't do this you guys.
I'm amazed at how we're plugging along. Daily is two and a half months old. She's smiling and cooing and when Rock is pretending to be a wildcat, roaring as loud as he can around the house, little D gets scared. Like bottom lip sticking way out, trembling hands, loud baby cry scared. It's sad and cute all rolled together.
I'm tired (no one is shocked by that statement) and I'm learning all over again not to wish the days away. Everyone and their mother or cousin or the homeless person at the library keeps telling me it goes by fast. I know that in my head, but I don't know it in the minutes and hours that make up a day. I don't know it when my husband takes a short work trip or when my kids want to cuddle and I want to dig a hole to anywhere but here.
It's a rough balance...accepting the beauty while feeling so tied down to meeting miniature needs all day long. I know so many mama's get what I'm saying and then somewhere along the way we forget the extreme days and move one.
This third time around I have found some ground to stand on and by God's grace during the rigamarole of the day other people keep popping into my mind. Don't get me wrong, my selfishness is thriving right now too, but God keeps putting others on my heart and it has pulled me out of myself so many times. Other mama's who are in the same boat as I am, "God, wrap your tender arms around them." Single friends who are beautiful and working hard, "God, gaze into their eyes and tell them they are loved." Family members all over the country, "God, show them some way that you are tangibly with them."
I am so thankful that God is lifting my head in moments of my own need to ask Him to lift others up. It's His grace that captures the corners of my mind when my ugly thoughts and anger and desire to yell curse words as loud as I can into the empty space start to take over. He's saying, "You're doing it, Sonnie. I'm doing it with you. Others are waking up and doing it too. And this life is full of beauty."
I'm going to do my best to believe what God says to us. I'll try to remind you and God knows I need you to remind me!
Real life happenings...taking the neighborhood by storm.
I'm amazed at how we're plugging along. Daily is two and a half months old. She's smiling and cooing and when Rock is pretending to be a wildcat, roaring as loud as he can around the house, little D gets scared. Like bottom lip sticking way out, trembling hands, loud baby cry scared. It's sad and cute all rolled together.
I'm tired (no one is shocked by that statement) and I'm learning all over again not to wish the days away. Everyone and their mother or cousin or the homeless person at the library keeps telling me it goes by fast. I know that in my head, but I don't know it in the minutes and hours that make up a day. I don't know it when my husband takes a short work trip or when my kids want to cuddle and I want to dig a hole to anywhere but here.
It's a rough balance...accepting the beauty while feeling so tied down to meeting miniature needs all day long. I know so many mama's get what I'm saying and then somewhere along the way we forget the extreme days and move one.
This third time around I have found some ground to stand on and by God's grace during the rigamarole of the day other people keep popping into my mind. Don't get me wrong, my selfishness is thriving right now too, but God keeps putting others on my heart and it has pulled me out of myself so many times. Other mama's who are in the same boat as I am, "God, wrap your tender arms around them." Single friends who are beautiful and working hard, "God, gaze into their eyes and tell them they are loved." Family members all over the country, "God, show them some way that you are tangibly with them."
I am so thankful that God is lifting my head in moments of my own need to ask Him to lift others up. It's His grace that captures the corners of my mind when my ugly thoughts and anger and desire to yell curse words as loud as I can into the empty space start to take over. He's saying, "You're doing it, Sonnie. I'm doing it with you. Others are waking up and doing it too. And this life is full of beauty."
I'm going to do my best to believe what God says to us. I'll try to remind you and God knows I need you to remind me!
Real life happenings...taking the neighborhood by storm.
:)
ReplyDeleteI hear ya Sonnie! I like to think of all these little moments of filling needs all day like we are building a castle. No one see's the people who build the castles it but the final product when it is done - everyone can enjoy and see the beauty!
ReplyDelete