Bare Bones

Summer Break...Lord have mercy. Ha, I have talked to many a mother who is enjoying this summer break thing (and plenty that are limping along side of me), but these short 6 weeks since school let out have left me living one day at a time. Truly, one day is all I can manage (and not very well I might add). It's been a summer of deep breaths, lingering exhaustion, great thankfulness, and minimal creative energy. But somewhere in the days when I feel the pressure rising at 7:30 in the morning, God has met me.

Many times I write things down, share them, and the next day I have an embarrassingly rough mama day. I can't predict tomorrow. I can't tell you when Daily will blow out of her diaper or when Rock and Ever will start fighting for the hundredth time during the day. I don't know when I'll struggle believing I have nothing to give to the world but a washed up mother label, but I know God will be with me.

I'm not pulling my weight in my relationship with God. I'm not faithful in my time with Him or praying from the depths of my soul. On my end of the relationship I'm worth giving up on. But I have found an immense measure of peace in this season. God is cradling me as I cradle Daily. God is hugging me firmly as I apologize to Rock for losing my temper. God is scooping me up as I navigate Ever's deep 3 year old girl emotions. This season is bare bones. I can say, "Jesus, help me. Jesus, thank you, Jesus please show up for them." and that's what I can do most of the time. As disappointed in myself as I can feel, I am met with Jesus who is anything but disappointed in me. He is proud of me, what a beautiful relief.

I'm excited for the days where I can dig deep once again. Where life inside of me feels active and I can give more than a passing moment to God's heart. Right now all I have to give to Him is bare bones and I'm finding He loves them. How sweet it is to know the depth of my weakness, my wishing time away, my discontentment, my ease in believing lies, and regardless I am worth more than I can fathom.

We can do today, whatever today looks like, because God's heart beats along side ours. He is a part of every season of grief, anger, confusion, happiness, joy, kids being out of school, etc. We are bound to Him no matter what we can offer back. Praises or curses we are held closely. I am profoundly grateful that the bouquet of bare bones I'm offering to God doesn't bring me shame. He is the life that meets my death.

...Insert big sigh of relief here!


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