Why I'm doing this...

Yes, I am running on very little sleep and the day started out pretty hairy. I know when I start getting pissy: 1.) over small things that are 2.) out of my control 3.) as we are trying to get out the door for school that I may not be at my best. This happens more often than I'd like and I generally feel a little shame once we've finally got everyone buckled in their seats and we pull out of the drive way. It's hard being a mom and when the pressure is on (like a ticking clock yelling at you that you are going to be late to school) I end up having a list of things to apologize for, even to my 10 month old. Yeeeesh!

But lately God has been stirring something inside of me that has been pulling me out of these mama funks. It's this thought, God's original plan for a family, that is helping me get out of myself and my drama.

Families were intended for survival. The definition for survival has changed over the years, going from actually staying physically alive to staying alive in our souls. Now-a-day's we aren't necessarily going to die if we don't have family living near by, but there is something to be said about how vital a community is whether it's with blood relatives or not.

And I've been thinking, this little family of ours is the first place our kids get a taste of community. The first place they get to feel like they belong. A place that says they are valuable because of who they are and not because of how they behave. Our family is a place to practice the vulnerability of community. It can be scary and awkward and hurtful, but we all still belong here. We get to practice over and over and over again what it means to be in communion with each other in hopes that one day each of our kids will learn how to be a part of healthy communities outside of our home.

This reality gets me good...way deep down. I feel privileged to get to do this hard work with my kids. I've fumbled learning in my adult life how to build life giving communities. I've been scared to be honest with friends, scared that they just won't want to be my friend anymore if things get too hard (that sentence sounds like it came out of the mouth of a five year old, not a thirty year old :). But I'm steadily learning how to let people in. I'm learning how to let conflict be normal and healthy, not automatically meaning a broken relationship.

I've been feeling like God has given Phil and I an enormous opportunity to show our kids the love of Jesus by having a home where they are welcome; mistakes, anger, embarrassment, and all. We can learn tough things together. We can open a can of worms together, we can say sorry and forgive each other. It's not nearly as easy as typing out the sentence, but I think this parenting thing is SO hard because it is SO good. Big frustrations, big exhaustion can also mean big joys.

I hope our kids can find a small piece of heaven in our home and then we can all learn to bring pieces of heaven to those around us.


  1. Ugh this is so good and so true, Sonnie. I love reading your words here. Vulnerability is key to connection, and family can be the first place to taste it. Beautiful thought.


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