Today means something.

I strapped Rock into his oversized car seat this morning and hopped into the drivers seat. We had places to go and things to do. Our drive started by rolling the windows down (just slightly, cause Rock can't handle too much wind in his face...his expression regarding this strong opinion of too much breeze is priceless!), mumford and sons was our music of choice...making almost any normal activity seem somewhat epic, and we set off. The trees felt more green than I remember and my coffee tasted better than the average cup of joe. Normal thoughts and a lightness of heart turned deeper as I remembered today was the day that Jesus died. Not so normal.

The last couple weeks have been a blur for me. Goings and comings have been happening so frequently that I've stopped realizing life is happening. I do this...I shut down when business invites itself over. In my non-feelings I have been thinking quite a bit about Jesus. I've been thinking about what this week was like for him thousands of years ago.

Growing up the combo of Jesus being fully human and fully God didn't make sense, so I opted for the fully God version instead. It wasn't until recently that my mind has grasped the idea that Jesus was/is like me. I used to think Jesus dying on the cross was something He knew to be noble and a part of the higher plan. So He did it of course. But somewhere in the knowing and doing, Jesus was really scared. He was crying and praying and sweating. He needed his friends near by and he needed to tell them even though he was going to die that he would always be with them. I think he was going to miss them.

My heart starts to beat fast when I attribute Jesus' circumstances to what it would be like for me. And in my heart of hearts I so long to know and believe that in his moments of despair he was thinking of me too. I want to know that my face and my name came across his mind during the madness of what was happening to him. I need to know that he looked at me and said it was worth it. I need to know he saw Phil and Rock and in an only God sort of way, saw each of us and ALL of us. I want to know as I'm struggling through reoccurring sins and fears that they aren't too big or deep or dark.

I can't imagine that the day Jesus died was a very beautiful day. In my minds eye I see the gloomiest of days, the barest of trees, the color pallet totally bare. I imagine that the creation knew what most people watching didn't...that the most beloved was being taken places nobody wants to go.

And in that same breath I hope, three days later, that Winter turned to full on Spring. I hope that as Jesus rose, everything else did too. I hope that color exploded from the ground up. I hope that art and music and dancing took on different forms after that day. I hope my life is different until I die...because today I am more than alive. Amen!


  1. That is a great picture. The earth and creation....and creative things coming back to life as Jesus came back to life. I like muy mucho.


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