Missing Dada

When Phil is on the road Rock asks for him. Sometimes it's difficult for me to simplify sentences for an almost two year old to understand and even then I don't know that he gets it. Most of the time the first morning Phil isn't home Rock wakes up and immediately asks to see Phil...to go jump on the bed and "wake him up" (normally Phil is already awake, but is still lying in bed). When dada isn't home I tell Rock "It's just you and me today buddy, dad is working." He still insists on going into our room to double check. Rock gets up on the bed and looks under our comforter and pillows to see if dada is anywhere to be found. Breaks my heart a little, but in a good way.

Every once in a while when Phil's on the road we'll send goofy pictures of each other to our iPhones. Most of the time we're waving or making a lame face about something. One of the days this week Phil sent Rock and I a picture of himself to say hello. The minute I showed Rock the phone with Phil on the screen he leaned in and kissed his dad. He then proceeded to grab the phone and hold it in his arms like he was rocking a baby, all the while looking down at Phil's smiling face. Rock gently gave the phone back to me and looking at the screen asked the picture of Phil to hold him. I had to explain that we couldn't jump through the phone, but if we could, we would. And I told him after about the eighth time he asked if Phil would hold him that dada couldn't, but I could. Rock then crawled into my lap and we both looked at Phil's picture for a little while. It was a sweet moment of knowing our little family's love for each other. That maybe in Rock's toddler mind he understood the way our family operates and the love it takes to make it all work.

Rock and I sat for a while and then decided to take a picture of Rock and send it to Phil. Rock made a good cheese of a smile and we sent it off.

There are many days that I am astonished at Rock's tender heart. It's also good for my soul to remember the missing is full circle. That as much as I miss Phil, Rock misses him too and Phil misses us. And in the midst of the days that we can't give hugs or throw a ball outside with dad, we are still able to care for each other from miles away.




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