An Amateur

I have sat down at my dining table with a mission to get some words on the page. I've prepped the chicken to be ready for dinner, put the toddler down for a nap, started a load of laundry, and put my butt in the chair. I hope my fingers still work.

Writing has fallen from my priority list. I'm a little embarrassed to admit, but a big reason why I stopped posting is because I was embarrassed at how amateur my blog spot template looked. When people visited to read I thought, "anyone who is anyone would wind up at this blog and think, 'she's a total amateur.'" I've spent some time recently putting thought into revamping the blog. I signed up for a square space website trial, emailed some design friends, purchased the domain for sonnieshay.com, and such. I was feeling like if my blog looked put together maybe people would see me as a serious writer, maybe carry a little clout in the mom blog world (insert current eye rolling at myself).

After a couple dead ends I decided maybe I could just retool my current template and add some more professional looking pictures and go that route. And....here I am, using a generic blog spot template with LOVELY pictures that just happen to be about two years old. I'm not current and I'm not professional. I don't have a writing schedule or a theme or much of a direction other than this: I love writing. And more than that I love encouraging mom's, specifically mom's with little ones. And I want to write now, even if that means offering "shitty first drafts" as Anne Lammott calls them because my heart aches to write while mothering is raw. I don't want to wait until my kids are older and all the old memories are rosy and I say things like, "remember how adorable it was when (insert name) went number two EVERY time we sat down for dinner and (insert name) would need me to wipe their tush in the middle of chewing a bite of my dinner. Wow, I miss that." Because right now those things are normal and disgusting and gag worthy. Amen.

Yes, it is nice to post something and get a response from others and it's fun to feel camaraderie in the crazy, but my heart aches to let other mom's know that God is going to show up for them. When I found out I was pregnant with number 3 I felt this immediate urgency that I needed God to show up every day to remind me I could do the impossible. I needed to know the morning was going to come and that His faithfulness never wavered. As I looked at our baby in the face, I needed to know God's daily light was upon us all. We named our nugget Daily Lux (Daily Light) for this reason. And as non-put-together as this platform may be, I want to be diligent to tell the stories of God's daily light. I may complain a little bit and tell some ridiculous stories of the motherhood tenches that we all know so well, but my hope is that this would be a place where mom's belong and can be reminded that nothing can snatch us out of our Father's loving mighty hands.