To Be Fearless

I am intrigued by the fearless nature of my baby girl, Ever. The world is very new to an almost two year old and during her waking hours she is taking in each moment with full force. She is determined and wants to try everything. At this point my watching eye is there to make sure her choices don't cause severe harm, but for the most part I watch in awe as she takes the world in with such inhibition.

I remember being like her, but somewhere between my late-teens/early twenties I lost my ache for adventure. I became afraid.

I encountered the deep reality of Jesus when I was thirteen years old and He was so real to me that I felt I could do anything. Roller coasters, airplanes flights, being goofy on stage on the youth group skit team; were things that I loved. They made me feel free. Not that any of these things are extreme by any means, but I participated without hesitation. I remember loving turbulence during a flight because it made me feel alive. Things like cliff jumping and making friends with strangers were an automatic "yes" in my book.

I'm not sure of the exact moment I started to choose fear, there may not be an exact moment, but somewhere along the way some deep hurts started to take over the things I used to love. I think my trust that Jesus was taking care of me started to waiver. Life was happening faster and harder than I could embrace on my own and anxiety became a very normal feeling in my life. In previous years I used to run to get in line for the biggest/baddest roller coaster at any amusement park and all the sudden, even the thought of standing in line for the same rides make me want to pass out. I want to travel the world, but the unknown of a flight makes my heart beat fast and my body start to sweat.

I am working hard against the road blocks that have made me afraid. I am working hard to encourage my kids to explore and take calculated risks in their early years. I don't want my hang ups to affect them in their life choices. I want God's reassuring, "Do not be afraid" to lead Rock and Ever through their stories and I want to believe that God will take care of me too. We have lives to live, places to go, choices to make and I don't want my filter to be fear.

Jesus, may we trust you to be fearless. May you be louder and closer and more real than what makes me afraid.


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