For the Mama's

Motherhood is intense. Today on the way to drop Rock man off at school we were in a traffic jam and he says, "mom, I gotta poop." Panic ensues. I ask him if he has to go RIGHT NOW of if he can hold it for a moment. He says, "right now mom, right now." I pull off on the first neighborhood street available with thoughts of having my son do his business in a plastic bag of some sort. As we pull in to the neighborhood I realize there's a bunch of new construction going on and sure enough at the end of the street is a glorious green porter potty. So, at 7:55am on a normal Tuesday morning Rock takes a dump in a construction dudes porter potty. We are both rather disgusted by the whole experience, but as I get in the car I say out loud, "God, thank you for that random porter potty on this random street so that Rock didn't have to poop in a bag."

Motherhood does this, it forces me to be thankful for things that I'd rather curse. I still curse at them a lot of the time, but the value in small victories is enormous in the mothering life.

Most of the weekend I struggled to accept where I am in life. I kept saying in my head and under my breath, "I hate being a servant, I hate being a servant." I don't hate being a mom, but sometimes I loathe the things I have to put aside to serve another snack and wipe another nose. I struggle to find a balance in the giving and my desire to be my own. I struggle to find God's peace in the chaos of needs swirling, swirling, swirling.

I know many women who ache to be mothers...their hearts and bodies yearning for something that is built in for us to want. On the flip side I know motherhood surprises others, so much so that they wish pregnancy could last for two years instead of nine months to prepare (is this just me??).  No matter the back story motherhood is intense and real and my goodness, it keeps me on my knees. The good days are worth celebrating and the bad days are worth crying over. Servanthood doesn't make me invisible, it makes me strong.


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