Garage Sale Turmoil

My time this week was monopolized by garage sale preparation. My precious nap time-free time and evenings were filled with going through mysterious trash bags and boxes of stuff we've been setting aside since who knows when. This yard sale has been a couple years in the making. I'm not quite ready to sell ALL of my baby stuff and at this point in our sweet lives Phil and I don't have many big ticket items. To be honest the sale was looking to be pretty ho-hum. I kept chugging along, but I didn't even want Phil to post about it on social media because we weren't selling anything impressive. Bottom line, I care WAY too much about what people think. WAY.

Rock had been fighting a cold for the last half of the week and the morning of the sale he woke up unable to breathe out of his nose at 4am. Rock, Ever, and myself ended up staying awake until 5:15am before I could get the littles back to bed. I knew Phil was planning to get up at 5:30am to finish prepping. I was pretty ragged and fell asleep in our guest bed. I popped up at 7 and was out the door to move tables and organize.

Everything was set and ready by 8am. Rock and I had baked cookies and we had hot chocolate for sale. I was feeling rather accomplished in the face of much resistance. And, you guys, NO ONE CAME for TWO HOURS. Two hours we waited and waited and waited. Rock was yelling, "customers, come on customers." Cars would drive by, our hopes would sky rocket, cars didn't stop. FOR TWO HOURS.

I felt humiliated and kind of mad. Then I felt irritated that I cared. Phil set up our fire pit and camping chairs in the front, which was cozy and cute, but I stayed inside. I stayed inside and washed dishes because this simple garage sale was making me feel invisible. I was mad that I had put so much time and effort into the whole thing and in the face of a situation that really wasn't that big of a deal, I had a rotten attitude. My boys were having a blast around the fire while I clenched my heart and my hands.

I'm sure there are deeper reasons to my feelings, reasons that I haven't quite put my finger on. By 10am we got our first customer and we did ok. Rock sold all of our cookies and his hot chocolate sales were impressive. Later in the day I had some moments alone and in all of the emotional turmoil I was experiencing (this sentence is embarrassing :) I started asking God for a Spirit and a future of Joy. Joy above circumstance is what I desire. For me it seems easier to choose God in the face of obvious turmoil, but I need Him and His joy day-in, day-out, meeting me in the unexpected. Meeting me with His goodness. Meeting me when I can't get over myself.

I speak joy into these days. Bigger than me joy!


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