To Celebrate

We have celebrated hard this season. My heart is singing, my heart is full. I can't remember the last time celebrations have felt this life giving. Generally Christmas, New Years, our wedding anniversary and the new addition of Ever's birthday all smushed into two weeks feels entirely full of expectation, which leaves me tired, over it, done.

But this year has been different on the inside. Our plans surrounding each occasion were simple, but the richness couldn't be missed. I have fought against celebrating for a long time. Life has been hard over the past decade. I have been focused on the hard for SO long. I have grit my teeth, carried the burdens, over committed, cried, and fought through my birthdays and many holidays. I have worked very hard to be honest with myself, my failures, my disfunction, but I have most certainly not let myself be filled with joy or much hope for that matter.

This year has been different in the best, most surprising way. As so many hard years have passed, God's love has become much more evident specifically for me. In His love I am free to completely celebrate. There was joy in staying close to home this year. There was joy in giving Phil a beard trimmer for our anniversary and joy in watching Ever play with her Little Mermaid birthday toys in the bath, for an entire hour. There was joy in sweet neighbors babysitting for free so Phil and I could go out, TWICE. There was joy in going to church and watching Star Wars Episode 1 eighteen times over Rock's Christmas break.

There are many years I have loathed the routine and fought against the life I am living in the moment. Those feelings haven't left entirely, but we were overshadowed this year with God's love in the middle of our home.

My hope is to celebrate well, to let God in, to see Him daily. Holy Spirit Come!


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