I'm in San Diego, the kids and Phil are in Nashville, WHAT???
I’m on a plane to San Diego, CA. I’M ON A PLANE TO SAN DIEGO, CA!!!!!!
I haven’t been able to write about this trip. The months, weeks, and days leading up to it were so busy with mom duties, but also because I couldn’t actually believe it was going to happen until I stepped on the plane. I’ve also been so full of emotion about the trip, honestly not sure how I felt about leaving Phil, Rock and Ever for six days. Not sure how I felt about grasping this opportunity by the horns and running like a crazy person into the horizon or being scared and undeserving and not sure that I can give the world anything else than being a mother and a wife.
I’m sitting on this plane heading to the Storyline Conference. The speakers at the conference are writers that I look up to. They are people who want God’s best beyond a business plan. God has whispered to each of them that their stories matter and they (along with God) are telling us that our stories matter too. I have been consciously grappling with my story for eight years now. Much of my story has felt like a flat line, lots deflating in the entirety of my twenties. Feeling forgotten, scrambling, worthless, confused. It’s been difficult to remember my place in God’s story. It’s been difficult to lift my eyes off of my own self-pity. But God, as always, is redeeming my story. There is a hallelujah chorus rising in my soul remembering there is joy in the outcome of low places.
The nervous jitters I felt all morning are subsiding. My heart almost exploded as I waved goodbye to Rock as he so confidently walked into his classroom at school this morning. My heart is exploding about the scene as it plays in my head right now (hello tears). My heart thought I was ready to say goodbye at the airport curb to a crying Ever still in her car seat not understanding why she couldn’t come with me. I wasn’t ready. My attachment to Rock and Ever and their stories is deeper than I know how to handle on most days. Phil’s encouragement each time I muttered how nervous I was, most of the time under my breath, reminded me that I am a person on my own too and that is a good thing. Phil and I both are embarking on 6 days of adventure. His with lots of responsibility and mine with a break from the normal. We are in this together even from a couple of thousands of miles away.