Walking Toward Wholeness

I'm going to go a head and turn away any guy reader I may have (all 5 of them) by saying, I LOVE the movie Frozen. I know, everyone is shocked by my confession. Thanks to spring break and cold weather, and kiddos with colds the ONLY fun thing left in my bag of mom tricks was to rent Frozen. The first time we watched it in the theater I liked it a lot, but this morning as I watched the movie, scene by scene, I was shocked at how deep the story goes.

I have been on what has seemed to be an eight year hike of a journey. The darkness I've been climbing out of year after year has felt hopeless and mindless and really slow. Getting married at twenty years old seemed slightly crazy, but I had no idea how rocky our marriage would be for the first four years. In the midst of the rockiness getting accidentally pregnant planted more seeds of insecurity about who I was and who I was meant to be. Having a full-time touring husband while raising our boy had me in a place of extreme loneliness. There seemed to be piles upon piles of lies that I couldn't shake.

Since July I've been going to counseling on a regular basis. As God has opened my hands and my heart to all that I was clenching, all the fear and hurt I was living with, I am finding love on the other side. I am shedding the things that made dislike who I saw in the mirror. I haven't been majorly disciplined or  in a place where I feel I have it all together. But I have been open. Open to spilling my hurts out when I want to hide them. Open to seeing God's sweet presence in each aching memory when I thought He may not have been there at all. There is transformation when we are open to step into honesty with ourselves and others. I want to be realistic about my shortcomings and the lies I hold onto so that I can cut them away, apologize for them, and set them free. Sometimes over and over again.

Frozen is a story about facing the hurts and fears inside of us and being set free by God's love. I see Jesus all over that Disney movie :) I love that even though Elsa let's go of the things that have held her back, that even in her letting go she has to go back to set things right. The letting go is a huge part of the journey, but reconciling relationships and moving into love after we find some ground to stand on is so important. I know I have hurt people in my fight for self-worth and identity. I'm working to make those relationships whole again too.

This is not quick work, the work of wholeness, but there is nothing else I'd rather be doing. I am seeing God's story blossom in me after eight years of feeling like He had forgotten all about me. He is working this way in all of us.

We matter. Life today matters. Life tomorrow matters.


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