Cravings for Art
This past weekend I went to a show (aka concert) in Nashville all by myself. This was not intentional and I'm still a little unsure how I feel about going to shows alone.
The story begins with a good friend of Phil's touring through Nashville with an artist he works for throughout the year. Phil and I both wanted to go to this show, but we already knew Phil was going to be out of town the night they were playing. We both thought it would still be fun for me and a friend to go (no-brainer right!).
After a couple email exchanges our friend said he wasn't sure he could get me into the show for free, and he couldn't concretely let me know until the morning of the show. I thought, "I'm flexible..." (hahahaha...it's like pulling teeth for me to be totally flexible in most situations, I just trick myself into thinking spontaneity is a quality I posses). I did end up getting a baby sitter in advance and decided if the show didn't work out I would at least go take some healthy time away.
The morning of the show came and to my delight I had a text message waiting for me saying there was a ticket with my name on it at the box office. I assumed he was only able to get me one ticket (ALWAYS ASK!) and pumped myself up for going to the show by myself...I'm a big girl right?? I got dressed up, took myself out to dinner, and carted myself to the venue. I fought with myself the entire night...feeling so lame at times and then letting the freedom of being "out on the town" sink in.
As I found my way to the box office and told the ticket lady I was on the "list" she took my I.D. and gave me an envelope with TWO tickets in it. I started calling through my phone list trying to find someone who was actually spontaneous to come join me but my attempts were a no go. Blah!
So, I sat in a row by myself for the two opening artists. The entire first set was full of me feeling like there was a spotlight on my head. "Who is that girl all dressed up sitting ALL BY HERSELF"...lameness was encircling me slowly but surely...but then the heavens opened a little. The second artist took me by surprise. As I listened to his music I forgot all about my aloneness and was ushered in to the beauty. It felt like someone took me by the arm and whispered, "Welcome Mrs. Shay...you were meant to be here."
The band was so rich and full of instruments...the cello was constant and beautiful. The trumpet made me smile more than once and the combo of the bass, keys, and drums carried such a heart beat. Each song allowed me to be filled with art. Something that I neglect all too often. I am not a painter or a singer. I'm a flawless dancer in my head and sometimes I can picture myself rocking the bass, but my imagined skills aren't reality. In the midst of my busy days I forget about the gift of art in it's various forms. I forget that when I take a moment I can literally hear the beat we are all secretly marching to.
For those 30 minutes, as I sat alone, I was able to close my eyes and remember beauty, honesty, and the freedom of being raw...being open. And for all the insecurities that beat me up that night...the music I heard kept them quiet. Music continually helps me fight for today.
The story begins with a good friend of Phil's touring through Nashville with an artist he works for throughout the year. Phil and I both wanted to go to this show, but we already knew Phil was going to be out of town the night they were playing. We both thought it would still be fun for me and a friend to go (no-brainer right!).
After a couple email exchanges our friend said he wasn't sure he could get me into the show for free, and he couldn't concretely let me know until the morning of the show. I thought, "I'm flexible..." (hahahaha...it's like pulling teeth for me to be totally flexible in most situations, I just trick myself into thinking spontaneity is a quality I posses). I did end up getting a baby sitter in advance and decided if the show didn't work out I would at least go take some healthy time away.
The morning of the show came and to my delight I had a text message waiting for me saying there was a ticket with my name on it at the box office. I assumed he was only able to get me one ticket (ALWAYS ASK!) and pumped myself up for going to the show by myself...I'm a big girl right?? I got dressed up, took myself out to dinner, and carted myself to the venue. I fought with myself the entire night...feeling so lame at times and then letting the freedom of being "out on the town" sink in.
As I found my way to the box office and told the ticket lady I was on the "list" she took my I.D. and gave me an envelope with TWO tickets in it. I started calling through my phone list trying to find someone who was actually spontaneous to come join me but my attempts were a no go. Blah!
So, I sat in a row by myself for the two opening artists. The entire first set was full of me feeling like there was a spotlight on my head. "Who is that girl all dressed up sitting ALL BY HERSELF"...lameness was encircling me slowly but surely...but then the heavens opened a little. The second artist took me by surprise. As I listened to his music I forgot all about my aloneness and was ushered in to the beauty. It felt like someone took me by the arm and whispered, "Welcome Mrs. Shay...you were meant to be here."
The band was so rich and full of instruments...the cello was constant and beautiful. The trumpet made me smile more than once and the combo of the bass, keys, and drums carried such a heart beat. Each song allowed me to be filled with art. Something that I neglect all too often. I am not a painter or a singer. I'm a flawless dancer in my head and sometimes I can picture myself rocking the bass, but my imagined skills aren't reality. In the midst of my busy days I forget about the gift of art in it's various forms. I forget that when I take a moment I can literally hear the beat we are all secretly marching to.
For those 30 minutes, as I sat alone, I was able to close my eyes and remember beauty, honesty, and the freedom of being raw...being open. And for all the insecurities that beat me up that night...the music I heard kept them quiet. Music continually helps me fight for today.
this is great, sonnie!
ReplyDeleteahhh i love this post. I love your imagined skills: like flawless dancing, spontaneity, rocking the bass. i think you'd be the cutest bass player evar! i too agree that its SO important for us to still embrace art in the midst of mommyhood.Ah...you say it so well......"For 30 min..you were able to close your eyes and remember beauty, honesty, freedom of being raw...and for all the insecurities that beat you up...the music quieted them"....i love it.
ReplyDeleteGirl - you looked beautiful at the show! No thought of you being alone - you owned it! You WERE meant to be there!
ReplyDelete