I refuse to be lost.

Thanks to my trusty iPhone I'm hardly ever actually lost. The Google maps gps is one of 5 apps I actually use on my phone. The fact that I have 62 apps on my phone and only use 5 doesn't bother me much, but Phil thinks its a shame. Oh well.

Recently a friend told me about a website called Sacred Space (www.sacredspace.ie) and it's a prayer guide to use on a daily basis. I've visited the site for the past week and I feel something revolutionary about this small discipline in my life. It's incredibly simple and takes about 10 to 15 minutes of my day, but the prayers and scriptures invite God into what I am doing and it's moving me.

A couple days ago the scripture listed was Matthew 18:12-14 which reads:

What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

I've read/heard this more times than I have fingers to count. As I read through it this time, the thought slowly entered my brain..."I try EVERYTHING in my power to not ever be lost." I try so hard to be one of the ninety-nine sheep on the hill. Being lost seems embarrassing and irresponsible. I've been a rule-follower my entire life and the thought of being lost or losing myself seems so horrible. But the verse says I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.

I think for the first time in my life the thought of having Jesus be my shepherd sounds incredibly enticing. I can't keep tricking myself into thinking that I'm keeping things together. I want Jesus to find me in my lostness and I want to be so satisfied in his arms without feeling like I have to apologize or have something to prove.

Recently I had dinner with a friend and in our conversation I found myself saying, "I'm at my end and I think I need to let myself be at my end." I wasn't meaning to be profound when I said it, but the line keeps coming back to me. I can't shake it.

I'm at my end, I'm lost, and I really just need Jesus.


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